ANGEL: Works well in love and literature.

AUTHOR: One should ‘know the great authors’; no need to know their names.

BEETHOVEN: Do not pronounce ‘Bee-thoven.’ Swoon whenever one of his works is played.

BLACK: Always followed by ‘as ebony’ or preceded by ‘jet.’ (What is jet?)

CACHET: Always preceded by ‘a certain.’

CHIVALRY: It’s dead.

COITUS, COPULATION: Words to be avoided. Say, ‘They had relations…’

CONVERSATION: Politics and religion should be avoided.

DARWIN: The fellow who said we descended from apes.

DOCUMENT: Always of the utmost importance.

EARTH: Say ‘The four corners of the earth,’ even though it’s round.

FACE: Mirror of the soul. In which case, some people’s souls are mighty ugly.

FULMINATE: Pretty verb.

GENTLEMEN: There aren’t any left.

GIBBERISH: A foreigner’s way of speaking. Always laugh at a foreigner who speaks your language poorly.

GOG: Always followed by Magog.

GUESTS: To be held up as examples for your children.

HOMO: Say ‘Ecce Homo!’ when the person one is expecting enters.

IDEAL: Utterly useless.

JUSTICE: Never concern yourself with it.

KORAN: A book mostly about women, by Mohammed.

LANDLORD: Human beings are divided into two great classes: landlords and tenants.

LANDSCAPES (Painted): Always look like a mess of spinach.

LITERATURE: The occupation of idle people.

MAGIC: Scoff at it.

MATHEMATICS: Dry out the heart.

METAPHORS: There are always too many of them in an author’s style.

MINUTE: People have no idea how long a minute can be.

MONSTERS: No one sees them anymore.

NEWSPAPERS: One cannot do without them but should thunder against them. Their importance to modern society. Leave copies of the serious papers lying around the living room, making sure to rumple pages first…

OBVIOUS: Always blindingly, unless it’s plain for all to see.

OPTIMIST: Synonym for imbecile.

PEOPLE: One’s enemies. The cause of one’s ruin.

PLEASURE: Obscene word.

PYRAMID: Pointless labor.

QUESTION: To ask is to answer it.

RHYME: Never in tune with reason.

RUINS: Induce reveries and make a landscape look poetic.

SCARF: Looks poetic.

SEAT: Always ask for one.

STOCK MARKET: Barometer of public opinion.

STONES: Should always be brought back from the seashore.

SYPHILIS: Pretty much everyone has it.

THINKING: Painful. The things that force you into it are generally abandoned.

UNLEASH: One unleashes dogs and wicked passions.

VOYAGE: Should be taken quickly.

WALK: Always take a walk after dinner, it helps the digestion.

WORKER: Always honest, unless he’s rioting.